Long time

Lots been going on including some weight.
10 lbs loss so far.
Had a ‘binge’ few days, using the excuse of stress, anxiety. Must stop doing this. Hubby (Neil) was in terrible pain the night before last, extreme pain in the solar plexus area, couldn’t’t sleep, his liquid morphine did not touch the pain. In the morning it was still the same. He was downstairs, all cold and clammy in pain. I rang 999 and an ambulance came quite quickly, plus paramedics car, so 3 ambulance persons. The took him to local hospital. J (son 23) and I took R (daughter 16) to her granddad. Then we went to hospital. Neil had lots of bloods taken, ECG. J and I went home while they carried on tests, he was admitted to cardio ward.
He came home today. They suspect gastric problem, so he’s now waiting for appointment for a  gastroscooy, to check for stomach ulcer or oesophagal problem. Am very relieved it’s not his heart (as he has angina).
Very difficult to stay calm, anxiety/stress free. I so want stuff to change in our lives, to get better. More money would help, a change of job, a new house, weight loss, you know, that sort of stuff. Feels like we’re in a grey pit. I know, I know some people are worse off, sicker, have less etc, but I’m sick of trying to hold it altogether, trying to make things better going from one crisis to another. Sick sick sick of it.
Moan over.
J and I are booked into a hotel nr Menai on Monday night. Can’t bloody afford it really. Would love to go with Neil but is not fair for j to look after r for too long, too angsty for him. Can’t afford for us all to go away plus is v difficult to get R out of the house.
R has started counselling which is good, going to be a long long road. I am waiting for my first CBT appointment, J is waiting for his therapy appointment and Neil sees our GP for counselling every other week. Honestly, what are we like.
Lucky to have all this help, but sad that we need it.

Happy Easter

I did have 1/4 of an Easter egg towards the end of the day! My chocolate fix!! Made a slimming world 1/2 syn cake and some sugar free jelly. Made a healthy turkey + veg for tea.
Am not very hopeful for weight loss this week mainly cos I have had my maximum syns for the week, plus I have not been at all active really cept for some cleaning.
Kids had 2 Easter Eggs each.
Getting weighed tomorrow night.
Feeling fed up as per usual. Maybe I need some fresh air. I can go out, just because my lot stay in all the time doesn’t mean I should. Feels a bit lonely though. But trying to get them out now causes me too much stress.

Tue 8 April 2014. Ok day

Was in work all day today. Took mince with gravy carrot and onion for lunch, very filling. Had v healthy tea, bacon and carrot and Swede mash and a Muller light yogurt.
Had a kit kat 5.5 syns, a options drink 2 syns and some wholemeal toast (b choice) in evening.

Am doing very well sticking to the slimming world plan so far. Now if I could just get rid of stresses and relax, am sure I’d feel even better.

Night night.

Stress = Eating

Mildly stressed, the usual – kids, work, the house, husband and cold rainy weather. Trouble is, when I’m stressed, only chocolate will do. It calms me and makes me think ‘yes, I can cope with what is stressing me’.
I don’t feel guilty until the next time I
1: struggle into something too tight
2: hop on the scales
3: catch sight of my flab in a mirror or
4: have eaten so much I feel sick.
DIDN’T eat breakfast today, decided today was going to be a FAST day. Got to work breakfastless and just had a few mugs of coffee in the morning, despite there being loads of left over sweets and chocolates in our office.
Got home 1pm, hungry, tired. Made an egg toaster in the sandwich toaster, enjoyed that so made and ate another one. Probable carb overload – fell asleep on couch till 5pm.
Went to Add a with Neil, tried to avoid cream cakes, got a Moo Yoo or whatever it was called small frozen sort of chocolate yogurt.
It was disgusting, finished that and needed real chocolate so had a cup of coffee with 2 kit-kat, one plain and one orange flavoured. STRESS is a bugger.