Sunday

Looked at my 2  full tins of Slim Fast debating…….hmmmmmmm……… should I give it a go for 2 weeks? Tempting.
While I was thinking I made myself 2 wholemeal toast then had a cup of hot chocolate options!
Neil and I went out to tea last night, just a local pub. I had a roast beef dinner, paid extra £2 for the bigger version. Too full for dessert! Totally enjoyed it.
Sadly went to supermarket on way home, got myself some tirimasu, &;+€¥?????
It was delicious though, my fave ever dessert.
Can’t seem to get myself truly motivated to watch my diet and eat better. I really can’t be bothered but I need to.

Don’t know how I managed it

Don’t know how I manage to have such good intentions yet proceed to ignore all of them. Had coffee out in morning, also a buttery bacon bagel. Such a lovely day out, cold but sunny.
Went home and slept till tea time.
Went shopping to Asda, crusty bread, donuts. Slouched on couch, then went to bed just after midnight and ate half a ham baguette in bed with a cup of tea. Crumbs everywhere.
And………..I’m back in work tomorrow. Well at least I’ll be moving about on my feet.
I could kid myself I’m not overweight when looking at my latest Facebook profile photo taken this morning. Carefully angled to minimise double chins! My face isn’t FAT but my body is unfortunately.

Here’s one taken just now

Can’t see my tummy on this one though (my biggest part). I wobble.

Studio shoot

Well. Bought in all 6 dresses for the photo shoot. 5 of them were from EBay. 4 of them did not quite fit……..
I chose a knee length black sparky one and a deep fuchsia one. Bought some sparkly jewellery from Primark. Washed my hair in the afternoon, this was yesterday.
Neil ran me to Walton, Liverpool. Bit of a dumpy area.
Eventually we found the small photo studio. Neil went to find somewhere to park n sit in the car.
Sat on a couch looking out at the traffic, they offered me a cup of coffee. Waited and waited then a girl said to follow here to a small room, 2 mirrors, radio on. She did my make-up ( 10 mins tops), whilst checking on her phone.
Waited about half he on couch in small corridor. Photographer showed me to small changing room. Git changed.
Went to small space next to changing room, rolls of paper to stand on. Several photos in various poses. Snap snap snap all done. Got changed into 2nd dress, didn’t bother with shoes. Snap snap snap, silly naff hat, scraggly feather boa. Same poses, done.
Got changed, waited on corridor couch, Neil came in. Waited ages. Went to viewing room, small room with widescreen tv and a couch. Bored member of staff showing each photo. I’ve gotta say some of them were ghastly. I know I’m FAT but on them I looked like the side of a house..
I had to bite my tongue to stop me saying “oh f@$&”
Felt bit embarrassed really that Neil viewed them.
Managed to find 3 that were sort of ok. Girl said we get to choose 1 and get two print-outs of it. She said any other pic would be £50. Ahhh no thank you.
Here is the photo

It wasn’t a bad experience, just, well not quite what I expected. Difficult though because I didn’t know what to expect.
Must thank Kate who bought me the voucher for my birthday.
Pic of me I took when I got home

Close-up of studio photo

Maybe when I’m slimmer it would be nice to get a proper photo done, not in that studio though!!!!!

Been v crap and diet and gained few lbs. DID have a lovely bottle of wine last night though oh yeah and a burger!!!!!
Downloaded onto my Kindle
Behave Like A Pancreas. Meant to be very good at helping type 1’s. Need to eat healthier.
Made healthy chicken dinner today. See, I can cook!

Losing it

Went to my weight management session full of angst over what I have eaten all week, full of how I haven’t stuck to any eating plan. Felt very very down this last few weeks. Everything’s getting to me, most of the time. The usual stuff.

Love this pic of me and J and R in France 10 yrs ago.

Anyway – I have lost, don’t ask me how, 2  lbs this week. Feel fairly motivated for the week ahead.
Slept a lot today as I normally do when I feel down. Did pop to Heswall with Neil and did enjoy a skinny latte in Thornton s cafe.
J and R came with me to Hoylake while I went to the weight management class.

Gutted that I ordered 3 gorgeous dresses from eBay and not one of them fits me, all size 20. Was meant to be a dress for my ‘photo shoot’ birthday present to be done on 16th November. Got nothing to wear for it now, no way am I buying size 22’s.

Get a grip Cathy

Still eating the same old way. Eating rubbish a lot of the time. Still feeling v FAT. Not happy.

I am supposed to be counting portions. E.g. I am allowed
5 carbs
2 protein
3 dairy
5 fruit/veg
2 FAT/sugar
50 calorie treat

Can’t say I am being entirely successful. Tempted still to do Slim Fast, since have about 4 tins various flavours.

Ohhhh got a new pair of shoes from EBay. Must practise walking in them!

Some more recent photos

Saturday

More skinny pics.

Makes you not want to eat really doesn’t it! Well, me anyway!
Note to self – must try harder.
Walked to Heswall today and only had a skinny latte in Thornton s, how good is that and I didn’t eat the little biscuit they give you with your coffee.
Was going to walk home, but after meandering round some shops I was desperate for a wee, so J came for me in the car.
Fell asleep for bit in afternoon, yes I know, that’s very lazy.

Think I’ll go for walk to the village tomorrow and pop n see Neil’s dad. Other than that, no plans.

Ah well

Me the other day!

Friday Feeling

Looooong day in work. Not been terribly good on diet plan. Bored with it already. Well, not bored, just can’t be bothered with a bit of boredom.

Exercise? Nope. But tomorrow I will walk to Heswall and back. Got a colour for my hair, it is now blonder but may be slightly ginger in the daylight! (We shall see in the morning).

Felt like crying today cos caught sight of myself in a window, OMG I am sooooooo FAT, it’s horrid. I really can’t bear to look at the ‘whole’ of me. How unattractive is my weight, very. You can’t really tell from head photos but see me full length, a different t story. It’s getting me down so much.
I have this desperation to lose like 40 lbs. I can’t bear being the weight I am. All day every day I think about how FAT I am.

Reading ‘diet’ books

Am currently reading I’m not overweight, I’m under tall by Hollie Humphrey.
Have been looking on my Kindle at weight, diet and food related books to help motivate myself.
Today, well yesterday really – 12th October Saturday, well I cleaned kitchen in morning. Caught bus to Heswall at 1:30pm, browsed round the shops then walked home, which is about a 2 1/2 mile walk. Felt very pleased with myself!

DID eat a takeaway tonight, but it was R’ s birthday, she was 16 on Saturday. My beautiful daughter.

We did indulge in some gorgeous birthday cup cakes that my sister made for R’ s birthday! Very yummy.
Fell asleep on couch early evening.
It’s 1am Sunday morning 13th October, and today is Neil and my 23rd wedding anniversary! Neil’s busy snoring away here next to me!

Me when I first met Neil, while I was at ET Delyn doing a Admin Course, Neil was the computer tutor.

Our very first photo together, taken at Neil’s mum n dad’s.
Neil asked me to marry him after only one week of us going out together!!!!

At the car park of The Royal Oak pub in Holywell on one of our first few dates!

Rare pic of Neil and me taken by J (our son who’s 22).

Me when I first started at ET Delyn admin course, February 1990.
Should try and get to sleep now!

50/50 day

Hmmmm…..today, well, I worked half day, went to a meeting in the afternoon and cleaned, made tea.
Also did 15 mins on treadmill, whoo hoodoo.
Never, never try to make a pancake mix out of milk, chocolate slim fast, egg and flour. Ok, it made a good batter but hmmmm…….. not the nicest of pancakes. I might have eaten a few, try to try them.
Treated myself to a sherbet fountain in the evening and ended up convered in the stuff.
Drinking lots of tea and decaffeinated coffee in the evening to stop me eating. Sometimes it works, not always.

Am bored with my hair colour (above) and want it blonder but am reluctant to do it myself for fear it will knacker it, frizz it.

Got a phone call from my GP surgery to make an appointment following up my shoulder xray, to discuss result with doctor. I reckon he’ll just say that yes I can have the steroid/cortisone injections into it.we shall see, my app isn’t till 24th ish.
My shoulder has been utterly painful, making me cry almost, it is so so painful at night and morning and hurts through the day too. My rheumatoid arthritis is kicking off a bit at the moment but luckily not too bad thanks to the methotrexate. My hands hurt a lot though, perhaps I need to get my splints out and wear them sometimes.? My knees and hips hurt sometimes but again the pain is manageable with strong painkillers when I need them. Bag of aches eh!!!!!!

Still managing to avoid chocolate!!

Oh dear donuts

Wish I hadn’t pressed the snooze button so many times on the alarm this morning, would have been nice to walk to work.
Usual sort of day in work. Wasted a whopping 566 calories on a not too nice chicken and stuffing baguette from the shop at work.

Then to top it all off I ate 2 ring donuts covered in pink icing and hundreds and thousands. DID I really need 2?
I did go on the treadmill for 10 minutes in the evening!

Just sitting watching Sarah Millican on tv now with a nice cup of decaffeinated coffee. Early night for me, then some reading before I go to sleep. I would like to walk to work in the morning.