Got to love hypos NOT

Didn’t eat breakfast, just not hungry at all. Lunch was a cheese sandwich in car on way to 2nd job. Had a lovely hypo when I got home of 3.3. Felt very hypo, not with it. Munched on 2 small packets of coconut and vanilla popcorn and had an egg mayo roll with a packet of quavers for tea (no energy to get healthy stuff after hypo).
Had a sugar free jelly later.
Not the healthiest of days, at least I was active (ie not at home on couch) in work all day. Am thinking of walking part way home after work tomorrow and each day I work, I so need the exercise.
It’s 10:30pm and am in bed writing on here with a lovely cup of decaff.
What an exciting life

A good Day 2

Tuesday 16th June 2015

Had a good food day yesterday and stayed under the calories on MyFitnessPal. Good so far today too, under the cals again and have made myself some sugar free jelly for later, if I must! 

In truth I don’t want to follow any plan, I don’t want to count any foods. I’ve spent too many years doing it, far too many years. But also in truth I need to watch what I am eating, well, forever now. Not just to lose weight and keep it off but for my diabetes too. Damn!!!!

If I was happy this weight then all well and good, but I’m not. My back aches from being my current weight. I hate the way I look. I don’t feel good in outfits. All I see is a round person. 

Moan over!!!!  

 

Miserable me eh!!!!!!

 
Me (above) last week feeling very chunky!!!!

I’ve told Neil (hubby) he’s got to  stop scoffing high calorie high fat high sugar foods. Ok have a treat or 2 at weekends but that is all. 

 Exercise? Ok we’ll get round to that at some point soon!!!  

Eating

I’ve been on a ‘if I want it I’ll eat it’ type of diet. It’s so liberating giving yourself permission to just eat what you want when you want. Of course there are consequences, especially if you have the type of body that gains weight easily ie you haven’t got the sort of body that lets you eat anything and everything and never gain an ounce.
I’ve gained a few pounds, just a few thankfully, but if I carry on on this ‘if I want it I’ll eat it’ plan, it’ll end up mire than a few lbs especially since I’m not doing any form of exercise.

Oh to be skinny again (photo France 2003)
I started on and off using MyFitnessPal. Maybe I should make more use of it? So today I’ve managed to keep within my calories. Exercise? Errrrrrrm nope, but I did sleep a lot which means I wasn’t eating.

Food carbs food

It’s been a very carby day. My plan, or the plan I’d like to attempt is
Less carbs
Only complex slow release carbs
More fruit and veg
3 meals a day with small healthy snacks
Avoid sugary stuff except for occasional treat
Some regular exercise e.g. walking, using the aerobic step in living room (bought awhile back
Get fresh air
RELAX
That’s my simple plan as yet to be started.
Sounds pretty easy yes?
Starting tomorrow!!!!

What diet

Not particularly following any diet plan. I am writing down everything I eat alongside blood sugars, insulin doses. Trying to spot a pattern in my blood sugars. The current pattern is high, not so high that I’m ill, just too high. So,  Now I have the task of altering my insulin doses, slowly untill my blood sugars get lower and stay stable. Not as easy as it sounds, in fact, bloody difficult. Another thing to keep an eye on is eating in moderation to avoid huge insulin dose requirements, eating 3 meals a day with healthy snacks if needed, also bloody difficult since am an emotional eater inclined towards binging.
Been feeling very down this last week (ok, no this last month, months, years). Difficult to shake off. I feel my.life sucks at the moment. Nothing to look forward to (e.g. a holiday away), no relief from debt, no happy times to enjoy, just same old stresses and worries that suck the life out of me. Bloody depressing.
Life is the same drudge day after day after day after day.
The solution? Sleep. I sleep a lot in the day. I don’t have the energy to try and change things. How the heck do I change things to make life better? Got no money, got a hubby who is severely depressed, unable to move much, unable to go out, suffers from Social anxiety. A son and daughter much the same. No one does anything, no one trys to change and I’m not even sure they want to anyway. So nothing changes. And this same old shit sucks the life out of me.
Can you tell I’m feeling down? It sucks.
It’s very difficult feeling like this, trying to eat properly, trying to cope with diabetes, trying to cope with asthma, trying to cope with this life.

Weighing in the morning

Yep, I went and got weighed this morning (Monday) rather than I the evening. What difference does it make? Well, half a pound loss. Nothing amazing. In fact, I’m sure if I’d gone in the evening I’d have gained.
But, onwards I go hoping to be super good this week coming so I can definitely weigh less next Monday.
Got some Gardner’s coming soon to blitz our back garden so I can sit in it on a summery day, close my eyes, listen to the birds and daydream.

Our garden last year, it’s a bit more overgrown now!!!
Only tomorrow and Wed morning in work this week. Loads to do in the house (can I run away somewhere temporarily?)
I am super good at putting stuff off!
Stuff I need to do
1. Clean kitchen (oh ok, whole house)
2. Tidy patio
3. Finish painting bedroom
Oh that’ll do for now surely?

Grumble

Am in a right grumbling mood, feel like the worst PMT ever. Grrrrrrrr…………
Actually had an ok day I guess. Work was ok (don’t stress don’t stress). Ordered some new glasses (yep more £££££££ I haven’t got but after Neil ran over my current glasses (in the car), my old glasses are rubbish. Trouble is getting vari focal costs loads, bloody pain. Grrrrrrrr………
Foodwise, well, ok so far, not exactly to plan today but I have felt like punching someone (anyone), so a plain bread roll when I got in from work then a hummous, falafel ciabatta and a decaff latte is not bad going. Went to Ottos Lounge in Heswall with Jonathans, we deserved it.
Poor Neil is in great pain with his knee and may eventually need an operation. He’s currently on liquid morphine.

Maintaining

Stayed the same weight at Slimming World.
Feeling motivated, ready for an SP week.
Current wishes
To get to a healthy weight
To go on a family holiday, me Neil j and r.
For j and r to be happy
To fix the house up (needs tons doing to it)
For Neil to get more books published (for his happiness)
To do some sort of craft course
To go on a relaxing retreat
To have a lovely garden
For R to be happy and free from anxiety and any suicidal thoughts, for her to love her life
For J to be happy with all he chooses to do
To own a pair of old fashioned block ballet dance shoes (weird I know!)
To always have good friends
Not much of a list is it!

THE LIVEWELL 10 Week Programme

Ok, so jonathans and I wobbled along to St Caths Hospital community centre for our 1 st weigh-in and ‘meeting’.
Today’s session was about alcohol and eating out (we loomed at a typical pub menu). OMG the calories in the food, trillions. I rarely drink these days and jonathans just has a glass of something at New Year. A mixed group of people at the session, some funny people who take the edge off any boredom (do We really need to be told to avoid donuts?)
What I really want is tips on how to say no.
Me, I weighed in at a lovely 77.something kgs. Can’t they weigh you in old fashioned stones and lbs? Who can convert kilos?
Converted I’m about 12 st 1.5 lbs which doesn’t bode well for a weight loss on the scales tonight at Slimming World. There is no advantage really to 2 weight loss ‘groups’ on the same day, but Monday mornings is the only day both Jonathans and I could do on Livewell.
And at least the Livewell course is free of charge. Now I’ve got 2 groups to impress with my weight losing abilities!
Hehe I am the ‘smallest’ at the Livewell group though, not counting the ‘teacher’.I felt almost skinny there for a short time, well, until I sat down and rested my boobs on my belly (not a good thing in my opinion), you try holding in your stomach when you’re sitting down!!!!!
So here I am, 2pm in the afternoon waiting to drag Neil out to Heswall.

Skinnier me reminding me I can do it

Well, I’ve had my lunch of rye bread and lean ham, boring I know but all I wanted.

Bye for now!!!!!

The Weekend

Mixed weekend. A day out in Liverpool on Saturday with a visit to the Bluecoat for a history tour, coffee and I nipped to the book fair there and picked up some books for Neil. It was a beautiful day out, sunny relaxing. Went with good friend Andrea and met some others whom I’d met before (through Andrea). Thoroughly enjoyed the day, went to a vegetarian cafe called Egg, no e company and a good laugh, what I needed to switch off from stresses.

Had our usual Sunday breakfast out this morning with Jonathans, Lattitude in West Kirby where we go every Sunday morning just me and J to chill, Neil stays at home with R.
Other than that have been v lazy today. Tomorrow am off to the 1st session of the Livewell Programme with Jonathan, am going along to support him and hopefully lose weight too, plus Slimming World tomorrow night (me), can I face the scales twice in one day?